Ah, back to Politics!

Our Fearless Leader (hereinafter OFL): "If someone committed a crime, they will no longer work in my administration."

Thanks for clarifying that, Mr. President. I take it from that that sending a White House limo to pick up staffers on work release from the big house is out. If I could, though, there are a few points I'd like to clarify. For instance, what about ankle bracelets? Are they OK? No, I don't mean as a fashion statement; you know, house arrest. After all, it's the People's House, right? So maybe some of those people are on suspended sentences. Yes, it is a big house, a very big house. Another thing, we were all worried, before you made that bold and forthright declaration, you know, that maybe there'd be nothing to stop you from hiring Eric Rudolph as Special White House Assistant for Women's Health. Which brings up the next point. What about pardons? Would that make someone eligible again? When could Secretary Rudolph start then? I know this has been a whole bunch of questions; how about just one more? Where does this leave Admiral Poindexter?

Update: further questions have emerged, specifically regarding when a member of the administration will be judged to have committed a crime. Is it when an indictment is handed down, an arrest is made, a guilty verdict is returned, or when all appeals have been exhausted?

Don't Make Me Choose, Benny!

So it turns out that when he was a mere cardinal, Joey Rat was not so high on the Boy Who Lived. Here's part of his reply to a German author critical of HP: "It is good that you shed light and inform us on the Harry Potter matter, for these are subtle seductions that are barely noticeable and, precisely because of that, deeply affect and corrupt the Christian faith in souls even before it could properly grow,"







Well, Benny, I'm callin you out, and yes, I am talkin to You! Cause Benny, when you messin with my man Harry, you are really messin with my shit. You got that? [I don't even know what that means, but it sounds edgy, you know?]
So, one last time,
Don't Make Me F-in' Choose, Benny!
Cause if I choose, You Lose!

There they go again...

Geez, I never meant for this blog to be all-Catholicism, all the time, but oy vey, it just gets worser and worser. As I've said elsewhere, one of the few things I've found to be proud of in my nominal, self-serving cafeteria catholicism is that at least Rome learned something from the Galileo experience, even if it took them 500 years to get around to acknowledging that, hey, he was right, and the Inquisition was wrong. Now comes Cardinal Christoph Schönborn, the lead editor of the friggin' Catechism (Yes, I believe that is the official title.), with this op-ed in the NYT saying, well, scientists are wrong and we're right.

I'm inclined to agree with bitchphd, commenting in Pharyngula, that this, more than pedophilia, misogyny, and all the rest, is likely to make me overcome my inertia and up and leave the house I grew up in (up in which I grew?). However, I'll wait for official clarification from the immediate past head of the Inquisition, BXVI.

Late update: in today's letters in the NYT, there's this word of hope:

Cardinal Christoph Schönborn is hardly the person to state an official position because he was outside the mainstream of Catholic thought when as the chief editor of the official Catechism of the Catholic Church, he accepted the historicity of the early chapters of Genesis.

(Rev.) Sebastian L. Muccilli

Back to the Future with BXVI

Latest wisdom from the head of the Inquisition vicar of Christ:

VATICAN CITY (CNS) -- Presenting the new "Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church," Pope Benedict XVI urged Catholics around the world to memorize the most common Catholic prayers in Latin.

Learning the prayers in Latin as well as in one's own language "will help Christian faithful of different languages pray together, especially when they gather for special circumstances," the pope said June 28 as he distributed the Italian version of the compendium, which included an appendix with the Latin texts of many traditional prayers, including the Sign of the Cross, the Gloria, the Hail Mary and Come, Holy Spirit.

My initial reaction? Gawd, how reactionary! But after a little thought I'm not sure it's a bad idea. Latin is, after all, the lingua franca of catholicism, if you will. Don't get me wrong; I love the mother tongue, and years of various choirs and 2 years of high school Latin only served to reinforce my feelings. I'm not sure it would mean the same to my kids, though, and certainly not my (non-papist) wife. The thing is, without the whole liturgy existing in Latin in any meaningful way, these few prayers are more like fossils in a museum, lifeless and with meaning only for the experts. And how often is the average catholic kid from any nation going to be involved in a multinational catholic "do" and be able to show off his/her all-but-forgotten mumbled Paternosher?

Habemas Papam!

The one thing that most disturbs me about the visuals coming out of Vatican City this week is the sheer, unadulterated (let's hope so!) glee that suffuses the visage of the B-16. Let's be real, here. The papacy is arguably the second-toughest job on earth and is rightly restricted to those who should have some sense of the awe and grandeur it entails. Yet the face was somewhere between "We won the match!" and "I have you in my clutches now!" I remember reading that after his election John XXIII ran off and hid for days before returning to face the music and mount the throne of St. Peter. But then, for better or worse, they just don't make popes like they used to.

Advance Directive

Yeah, I know. Bit of a hiatus there. But really, between the one of me, was anyone losing sleep -- over the hiatus, I mean??? Anyway, I've decided to amend my advance directive as follows:

In the event of my incapacitation, coma, or other inability to participate in my healthcare decisions, a one-hour video recording is to be made and forwarded to Hon. Sen. Dr. William Katzensterben Frist, who will study it and make a
definitive pronouncement on my condition and prognosis.

For a suitable fee, he could offer further management suggestions, such as proper percentage of nitrogen for vegetable farming....

Potentate Potables?

Just go there. This is priceless.

Would the invasion of Iran constitute Double Jeopardy? Cause then all dollar values are doubled!

In re: Mandate

In the middle of a reasonably interesting what-if discussion about the CBS memos -- what if the forgery had been more convincing, that sort of thing -- Beldar supposes that 1% of the voters may have switched to Kerry. This would not have altered the outcome of the election, his gut tells him,

But it might well have undercut the basis on which Dubya has been able to claim having a broad mandate, however, with resulting significant weakness in his second term.

The rest of the post aside, this particular point is just ludicrous, but at least we can use this to infer the boundaries of what constitutes a mandate: 51/48 = broad mandate; 50/49 = no mandate. Considering that Bush acted like he had a broad mandate when he had actually lost the popular vote by half a million, I fail to see how this would make any practical difference, particularly given the accomodationist tactics of Congressional Democrats until very recently.

Faithful Reader(s), Relax

(Yeah, I coulda found this on a different site than Salon, but that would make it too easy for both of you.)

Anyway, just when you thought the blogosphere was safe from JOTW®, it lives... in the person of Larry Di Rita, Rumsfeld's chief spokescreature. Commenting on the military's practice of not-very-obvious sponsorship of certain websites, he opines,

"It would be most helpful to review activities going back six to eight years, as I assume many existing relationships have continued for that many years or longer," Di Rita wrote, noting the Southeast European Times operation. "It would be appropriate to review that activity and others like it."

It's not our fault! It's the Clenis!

Dispatch from Normalville

Following the Podunk County school board meeting Tuesday evening, it appears that the American education system's long dalliance with Newtonianism is coming to an end. For close to ninety minutes, board members saw and heard a procession of concerned parents line up to demand equal time in science classes for alternative theories of what they call "things falling down."

"Anyone who's as big a basketball fan as me can tell that no coincidence could ever bring about the wonderful balance between the bounciness properties of a basketball and the falling-down properties. And don't even get me started on golf!" This from Seth Straitlace, the father of three pupils in the county schools and an advocate of a theory called Intelligent Attraction. "Clearly, somebody smarter than me had to design the properties of the world so that things work the way they do." He moved on to Astronomy, "Also, did you ever consider that if the earth was alot farther from the sun or alot closer, life as we know it would be impossible! It hadda be designed. QED."

After forty-five minutes of discussion, the board voted 7-3 to require that earth science and physics textbooks used in the district have stickers placed in them to read:

"This text includes discussion of gravitation, which is only a theory, not a fact. There are other theories that attempt to explain these phenomena. You should study this material critically and make your own decisions. "

After the meeting, Straitlace said he was pleased, all in all. "This just leaves our campaign against Copernicanism. But that'll wait till next month's meeting."

What Planet Yew From, Boy?

Regarding the second inaugural address of GWB, from the one-of-a-kind David Brooks:

Two years from now, no one will remember the spending or the ostrich-skin cowboy boots. But Bush's speech, which is being derided for its vagueness and its supposed detachment from the concrete realities, will still be practical and present in the world, yielding consequences every day.

Words fail me, but maybe somewhere else in the world...

Rest of the world: OK. Here we have, ...hypocrisy. From America. Specifically, her President. More specifically, this President. [yawn]

Alright, DB. I'll grant you four words, "yielding consequences every day." Just not exactly in the way you meant them.

TJ for President!

Courtesy of Paul Glastris, some very apt words from the author of the Declaration and erector of the wall of separation between church and state:

"A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles..."

Go check it out.

Cream Rises to the Tippy Top

EXTRA!!!: Jerk of the Week, Jerk of the Quadrennium, and Leading Jerk of the Free World Edition

The Post: In Iraq, there's been a steady stream of surprises. We weren't welcomed as liberators, as Vice President Cheney had talked about. We haven't found the weapons of mass destruction as predicted. The postwar process hasn't gone as well as some had hoped. Why hasn't anyone been held accountable, either through firings or demotions, for what some people see as mistakes or misjudgments?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, we had an accountability moment, and that's called the 2004 election. And the American people listened to different assessments made about what was taking place in Iraq, and they looked at the two candidates, and chose me, for which I'm grateful.

One definition I found for 'accountable' is, "obliged to accept responsibility." I honestly can't think of any word less applicable to GWB and his entire administration.

Scenario 2007

I've been meaning to write about this for awhile, but... Has it occurred to anyone else that in about two years, Cheney could retire for health reasons and let GWB appoint his hand-picked successor? Like maybe Frist, who could then run in 2008 as semi-incumbent and semi-anointed, obviating the whole messy primary process. I'm not sure how the Republican electorate would take to being told, in effect, what to do, but I don't see any big risk in this strategery. Am I missing something?

Hey, I Lied.

In comments at Washington Note, I promised my two cents' worth re Imminent vs. Incipient. And you know what happened. I got sidetracked into trenchant commentary, but never really delivered the goods. Well, here it is:

To me, disregarding OED and other dictionary denotations, imminent connotes an event that will burst forth suddenly, e.g., imminent collapse of Russian Communism, imminent military action in Iran. Incipient, on the other hand, sounds like a process that has a creeping gradualism to it, incipient erosion of civil liberties, that sort of thing.

Getting back to Scowcroft, then, I'd say that part of his point is that civil war in Iraq is not to be viewed as a possible event that will burst forth with shock and awe, but as an evolution that has its beginnings in today's insurgency. (Hope I'm not putting words in your mouth, Brent.) If I'm close to correct, it does make a difference which word is used. I'm not sure about the relative urgencies conveyed by these terms. Perhaps the point is that it's too late to head off an incipient civil war; we should bow to the inevitable. And perhaps I'm FOS.

Listen to this 39-year-old Man

Oddly prophetic words:

Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

(on the eve of his assassination.)

Confession Time

(I fully realize that I'm the only one reading here, but just for a moment, humor me, you nonexistent readers...)

Just when you were worried we might drop the ball...

The Next Winner: Jerk of the Week™ : [hmm..should I give them Roman numerals, ala SuperBowls?]
David Frum, from his blog entitled David Frum's Diary on National Review Online.

Allow me to set the stage. This week a report in the New York Times quotes Brent Scowcroft, an admitted Republican, as saying, "We may be seeing incipient civil war [in Iraq] at this time." This situation, he said, raised the fundamental question of "whether we get out now."

The notion of getting out now, to Mr. Frum, is scuttling.

The result of such a policy would be chaos - but chaos in Iraq, the sources for the story seem to think [thinly-veiled reference to Mr. Scowcroft, methinks], is well worth it if they can get in return a political defeat for President Bush.

My interpretation: Those vile would-be scuttlers are so craven as to be willing to trade chaos in Iraq for some fleeting political advantage over Dear Leader.

Well, Projection, thy name is David! It seems to me that this (i.e., trading chaos in Iraq for political advantage) is precisely what said Dear Leader did himself less than two years ago, to devastating effect, both from the standpoint of Iraqis, the US military and Reserve communities, and the domestic political landscape, as well. Also note DF's use of the prime Neocon debate tactic: when no sentient being could argue with the substance of a statement, impugn the speaker's (or, in this case, imputed speaker's) motivation.


Amazingly, Mr. Frum goes on to win the first double-header in JOTW™ history, with a clever use of Mark Twain to tweak Steve Clemons (get it?). Describing a frustrating argument the Connecticut Yankee had with a slow-witted king, Frum says:

Eventually the Yankee has to shoot him.

Yesterday I found myself the target of a similar kind of obdurate lunk-headedness.

I think this tells us all we need to know about Mr. Frum's approach to discussions across a chasm of differing world-views (and no, I'm not defending the three-coin king, imaginary people, please pay attention!).

Extra credit: Think of a king endowed with obdurate lunk-headedness, quick! Ooh, that really wasn't so difficult, was it?

Blinding Flash of the Obvious

It's just become clear to me that there's a common thread which ties together many, many aspects of current conservative thought. It goes deeper than whatever is the opposite of reality-based. It's like in-your-face, not-reality-based on steroids, with a side of wishful thinking.
Viz:

• WMD in Iraq
• Iraq War in general
• Dear Leader = God's Annointed
• Intelligent Design
• Biblical Inerrancy
• Homosexuality in general
• Race relations
• Theocracy
• Need to lock up all pinkos and America-haters
• Abortion
• Social safety-net
• Social Security
• Basic economics
• Evil university professorial scum
• Global Warming
• Environment in General

In each case, the response is beyond, "Please don't confuse me with the facts." It's more like, "My opinion is perfectly as valid as yours on this technical and detailed topic, despite the fact that I'm in college and you've made this area your life's work for umpteen years."

As we say, developing...

Oath of Purity

In conjunction with our professed basis in Reality here at Imbecilities^©™, we do hereby solemnly swear:

I swear that I have never taken money -- either directly or indirectly -- from any political campaign or government agency -- whether federal, state, or local -- in exchange for any service performed in my job as a journalist (or commentator, or blogger, or whatever you think I should be called).

Shorter: We are not now, nor have we ever been, Bush's ho.

There. That wasn't so bad now, was it? [Oath edited to sound gooder]

Today

I had a revelation, nay, an Epiphany, regarding an earlier quest:

[Attention tone]

This is a test of the moioci blogging system. This is only a test. In the event of an actual blog, you would feel inclined to stay tuned for insightful, yes, timely and insightful commentary regarding current things.

[Attention tone again]

Hey, it's a practice blog, OK?